2007: The Year of the Do-Over…

The Do-Over: It’s a concept that my husband Robbie talks about a lot. As a guidance counselor and a general student of human nature, Robbie believes that people sometimes get to a place in life that is so difficult that they want a do-over.

I can remember the do-over from childhood. While playing a game with friends, if your first attempt at something was not so spectacular, you would call out “Do over!” And if your friends were kind—or if they owed you one—they might allow you to try it again without a penalty. (I have heard this called a “mulligan” in the world of golfers who are loose with the rules.)

And it was great to have the opportunity to do it again, to not have the first try count against your score. I don’t personally believe that we are keeping score in life, at least I’m not trying to keep score anymore; but it does seem that the do-over is a popular idea.

Divorce can be one example of the do-over for adults. Sometimes we get into such a challenging time in a relationship that we would rather not face it. It may be the consequences of our actions—perhaps we have cheated on our spouse, or our spouse has cheated on us, and we don’t want to have to deal with the hurt feelings. And maybe even more than the hurt feelings, we don’t want to have to deal with our memories.

We rarely forget things in life that are painful. Combine that with our human pride that may propel us to strive for the appearance of not being at fault and there you have it: the Do-Over. If we have caused another person pain that is not likely to be forgotten, rather than be reminded of our shortcomings (and dealing with the relationship-repair work) we may just decide to cry out “Do over!” and choose the divorce route.

This is not a commentary on divorce. Though I’m thankful to be happily married, I have no stones to throw in the divorce arena. I have watched friends and family struggle with the difficulties of life before, during and after divorce, and there seems to be joy and heartache on every road that people choose. I began thinking about the do-over today in the shower, after I realized that I had started a list of New Year’s Resolutions without even meaning to do so.

I am not even a New Year’s Resolution kind of girl. I think you can start a new habit any time you want. I have also seen a lot of well-intentioned resolution makers break their habits so quickly it would make your head spin, so I suppose I’m a little cynical about the effectiveness of the New Year Resolution. But for some reason, January 1, 2007, has brought to mind all kinds of habits I’d like to renew: I want to work out more. I want to eat better. This will be the year I write every day. On and on…

None of these habits are particularly new. They are just currently not habitual in my life. So maybe I’m looking for a do-over, some magical day when I can re-start all my habits and they will actually take root in my life as though I’ve always been a disciplined—and perfect—person.
What is it about the do-over? The appeal is certain, and even religion reflects it: Christianity in some of its present incarnations seems to be the ultimate do-over.

Many more thoughts on Christianity as the religion of the "do-over"...they'll have to wait until next time.