While I was running today (pant, pant, when will this get any easier?!?), I thought, "I've got to be the worst runner ever."
Then I thought about all the people who don't run. And I cut myself some slack. Perhaps, I thought, I might be a better runner than people who don't normally run.
That made me feel a little better about it. Pant, pant.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Praying the Hours
I just ordered the whole set of Phyllis Tickle's The Divine Hours books. Not sure how I feel about 'praying the hours' yet, but I'm open to giving it a try.
Do you participate in praying the hours, or some similar practice?
Do you participate in praying the hours, or some similar practice?
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Why I run...(the strenuous exercise, not the coping mechanism)
Or perhaps the better title might be "Why do I run?"
I just returned from a short run, just 2 or so miles. It's the first one I've done in a while (except for the "runs" on my Wii Fit). I found myself asking the question "Why am I doing this?!?" several times during my brief flirt with exercise today.
Do I want to be physically fit? Sure.
Do I want to live longer? Yes.
Do I want to be able to eat a box of macaroni and cheese every once in a while? Probably closer to the truth.
But knowing that I am, ahem, "complicated," I figured that there were layers of reasons for the running.
Yes, I have experienced that sense of euphoria that kicks in on a longer run. "Runner's high" is a powerful drug. (Though I've wondered if that sense of euphoria is actually your common sense giving up and saying, "Fine, if you want to keep doing this to your body, go right ahead, but your good judgment and I are going out for a drink. We'll catch up to you when you're done with this business.")
Sometimes I even enjoy the occasional sore muscle that reminds me I did something active a day or two ago.
But when it comes right down to it, I think I must enjoy doing something that a lot of other people just won't do. I punish my body by running because I think that other people would look at me and say, "Whatever. Better you than me." It's a pretty healthy choice for this type of behavior. At least I'm not trying to act out in some unhealthy way (though perhaps that might be more fun). Even though I don't broadcast that I run, the knowledge that I do gives me some weird sense of otherness that I crave. Standing in a crowd of people somewhere, I'll think "Yeah, I ran today. Without anyone chasing me. How many of you can say that?" And in the crowds I stand in, odds are good: not many of them.
Oh, I know there are a lot of serious runners out there. I admire them. I just don't know many of them, or hang out with people who do. I'd like to think I'll get there one day. But I'll probably just keep it under 10 miles and go make some mac and cheese. The blue box, please.
Yes, I probably need (more) therapy.
I just returned from a short run, just 2 or so miles. It's the first one I've done in a while (except for the "runs" on my Wii Fit). I found myself asking the question "Why am I doing this?!?" several times during my brief flirt with exercise today.
Do I want to be physically fit? Sure.
Do I want to live longer? Yes.
Do I want to be able to eat a box of macaroni and cheese every once in a while? Probably closer to the truth.
But knowing that I am, ahem, "complicated," I figured that there were layers of reasons for the running.
Yes, I have experienced that sense of euphoria that kicks in on a longer run. "Runner's high" is a powerful drug. (Though I've wondered if that sense of euphoria is actually your common sense giving up and saying, "Fine, if you want to keep doing this to your body, go right ahead, but your good judgment and I are going out for a drink. We'll catch up to you when you're done with this business.")
Sometimes I even enjoy the occasional sore muscle that reminds me I did something active a day or two ago.
But when it comes right down to it, I think I must enjoy doing something that a lot of other people just won't do. I punish my body by running because I think that other people would look at me and say, "Whatever. Better you than me." It's a pretty healthy choice for this type of behavior. At least I'm not trying to act out in some unhealthy way (though perhaps that might be more fun). Even though I don't broadcast that I run, the knowledge that I do gives me some weird sense of otherness that I crave. Standing in a crowd of people somewhere, I'll think "Yeah, I ran today. Without anyone chasing me. How many of you can say that?" And in the crowds I stand in, odds are good: not many of them.
Oh, I know there are a lot of serious runners out there. I admire them. I just don't know many of them, or hang out with people who do. I'd like to think I'll get there one day. But I'll probably just keep it under 10 miles and go make some mac and cheese. The blue box, please.
Yes, I probably need (more) therapy.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Loitering with Intent
It's been a while. A lot of changes since my last blog...
I'm between careers. I'm between churches. I have aged into another decade bracket.
Although I manage to keep busy every day, my answer to the oft-asked questions "What do you do?" or "What are you doing these days?" is both complicated and simple: Nothing. And lots of stuff.
My spiritual director suggested that I tell people I am "loitering with intent." Intending to do what, I'm not sure. But I am trying to be vigilant about listening for direction. In the middle of doing nothing. And lots of stuff.
Some days I think I'll learn to draw. Or finish writing the book on my computer. Some days I just work on my kirigami calendar and finish a NY Times crossword. Sometimes I do a lot of laundry and cook. Sometimes I read. Some times I just watch reruns of Desperate Housewives...
I have spent some time looking for employment. But (thankfully with the blessing of my somewhat-gainfully employed spouse) I've decided that I'm going to wait until I'm not stressed about the money before I started earning it again. We'll see if I can manage to get there.
In any case, here I am...attempting to "loiter with intent." I have found that, amidst the laundry and the cooking, the kirigami and the puzzles, my mind seems to have a lot more space. And my heart seems to have a lot more peace. Not sure if this is the result of losing my job (or my church)...but it is interesting.
If you have any thoughts, feel free to share. You never know where the next direction is going to come from...
I'm between careers. I'm between churches. I have aged into another decade bracket.
Although I manage to keep busy every day, my answer to the oft-asked questions "What do you do?" or "What are you doing these days?" is both complicated and simple: Nothing. And lots of stuff.
My spiritual director suggested that I tell people I am "loitering with intent." Intending to do what, I'm not sure. But I am trying to be vigilant about listening for direction. In the middle of doing nothing. And lots of stuff.
Some days I think I'll learn to draw. Or finish writing the book on my computer. Some days I just work on my kirigami calendar and finish a NY Times crossword. Sometimes I do a lot of laundry and cook. Sometimes I read. Some times I just watch reruns of Desperate Housewives...
I have spent some time looking for employment. But (thankfully with the blessing of my somewhat-gainfully employed spouse) I've decided that I'm going to wait until I'm not stressed about the money before I started earning it again. We'll see if I can manage to get there.
In any case, here I am...attempting to "loiter with intent." I have found that, amidst the laundry and the cooking, the kirigami and the puzzles, my mind seems to have a lot more space. And my heart seems to have a lot more peace. Not sure if this is the result of losing my job (or my church)...but it is interesting.
If you have any thoughts, feel free to share. You never know where the next direction is going to come from...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
